The Day The World Went Crazy
by Skeith the First Phase of 8
Summary: CANNED!
1. Chapter one

The Day "The World" Went Crazy.  
  
M.R.D.: Hello, and welcome to the land of the strange, weird, and unusual. This is my first .hack fic. I intend on finishing. I hope you enjoy. This will consist of characters from .hack//SIGN to the video games. You will be frightened.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. Well I do but, you know what I mean.  
  
It was a nice day at Mac Anu. Kite had just gated in when he found Blackrose.  
  
Kite: Wazup?  
  
Blackrose: Nothing yet. Heard anything about any protected fields?  
  
Kite: No . . . hold on, I got mail.  
  
Kite's E-mail-  
  
Dear Kite,  
  
I want you to meet me at Delta: Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. We will resolve our conflict about "The World" there at 1:00 p.m.  
  
Come alone you S.O.B.  
  
-Balmung of the Azur Sky  
  
Kite: Alright, Balmung wants to meet me at Delta: Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. What the hell is a sob!?  
  
Blackrose: -_- Can I go?  
  
Kite: He said to come alone. I guess you can go then!  
  
Blackrose: Yay!!!!!! (Happy dance)  
  
~~~You already know~~~  
  
Kite: I'm here!  
  
Balmung and Bear were waiting at the front of the church like area.  
  
Balmung: Welcome! (Sees Blackrose) What the hell are you doing here? Kite! You were supposed to come alone!  
  
Kite: I did, but she wanted to come.  
  
Balmung: Fine then. Kite! You have been chosen-  
  
Kite: By Aura to help save both "The World" and the real world. I've heard this before.  
  
Balmung: Not that. You have been chosen by me, Balmung, to become the third and final member of the Pimp Trio!  
  
Bear: It's cool because you get a big fur coat, pimp hat, and gold teeth.  
  
Kite: No thanks.  
  
Blackrose: I'll join.  
  
Everyone else: . . .  
  
Blackrose: What?  
  
Kite: Lets go young minion, we got people to bother. (Drags Blackrose away)  
  
Blackrose: (Being dragged away) But I wanna join!  
  
(Both Kite and Blackrose gate out, leaving Balmung and Bear alone)  
  
Balmung: What now, I'm out of ideas of people.  
  
Bear: I know a man.  
  
The duo warps to a special beach area for relaxation from fighting monster, collecting items, and leveling up.  
  
Bear: There he is! (Points to Silver Knight)  
  
Balmung: He looks like a good candidate for the Pimp Trio.  
  
They both run up to Silver Knight, but then wish they hadn't when they saw that he was sunbathing, in a thong, and it was on backwards.(Try picturing that without vomiting, collapsing to the floor, gasping for air, as you struggle to get that image out of your head)  
  
Silver Knight: Wazup home dawgs?  
  
Balmung: You do know that thing is on backwards?  
  
Silver Knight: What thing?  
  
Balmung: Never mind. Anyways, you have been chosen by me, Balmung, to become the third and final member of the Pimp Trio!  
  
Bear: It's cool because you get a big fur coat, pimp hat, and gold teeth.  
  
Silver Knight: Sure! I've always wanted to be a pimp! It's been my dream since I was five, and started Kindergarten.  
  
~~~Flashback~~~  
  
Five year old Silver Knight from the real world: (To a five year old girl) Where's my money bi*ch?  
  
~~~End~~~  
  
Silver Knight: Good times.  
  
Balmung and Bear: o.O  
  
~~~A little thing to end your day~~~  
  
~~~In the real world~~~  
  
Subaru: (Ridding her wheelchair on a skateboard ramp) Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~~~End~~~  
  
M.R.D.: What the. . .  
  
Next time on "The Day 'The World' Went Crazy":  
  
Kite: (To Natsumie) Do you have the money?  
  
Natsumie: I want to see it first.  
  
Kite: (Drops his pants)  
  
See Ya' till then! 


	2. Chapter two

M.R.D.: It's back! Back again! It is back, it its back, it- Why was I doing that? Any who, in this chapter: What the preview was at the end of chapter one, Natsumie and Moonstone fight, and Elk finds a video camera.  
  
P.S.: I know a player can only carry up to 99 pieces of the same item)  
  
Chapter two.  
  
~~~At Delta: Who's Your Daddy (^ ^) ~~~  
  
~~~In the dungeon; in the statue room~~~  
  
Elk: (Walks into the room) I found it! I wonder if this is the field with the rare item. Only one why to find out! (Opens the chest at the base of the Gott Statue) Hmm . . . some crack, a thong (I'll give that to Mia) and a video camera? What class is that for? (Opens the menu)  
  
Items: Health Potion (56), Resurrect (45), Antidote (32), Restorative (61)  
  
Scrolls: Speed Charm (5)  
  
Books: ~~~  
  
Treasure: Aromatic Grass (756390785739406957464866587995767974654544974789976807490909537658709045848 6398097586433957863756795486097675086340634509788676948082585676775867567020 7767290790270927597694794797653622115785634401465156784656591005616465847365 6759865652961613465946596564589765986986543587943685734896342563487563476734 5736745263656346346563653456346345634656734653467567346534765736396864572645 6767436564367567436345674567435675464364367678966792970879079507327010209754 0646320623690765236036260636063560346034603497804563489659365209916116916946 4659574365892615959065094721903469857408754396589427589437689436598107985654 8976984359086159642562854243321413452638484624859493405927639876982786476497 6436754897792100120106546465695496456745694656476436569169867146590165943650 9641298659426597615965478654875587646196510691406546905669546742396546904165 0946598016567615004865876106426965065065074605610647659478125163419085005496 4275239598109016051675656736756478546596289658956837658615986598469836973728 9874765483215948615645908763495701615987429705961975489074306983095790845908 4650891708960658974509878907109519054704896498569827489564389798437698146251 9487598748970494198658959465959867089576084796059874908758971987150510490152 3457698257679365349791111114798007079102026060760740784607894610978610964708 9563970466904569043456746754642654694694364639643996643646946964367673469568 4238971695960519070951987043678096378946354789666916598567543642357374896093 2756426562659609650106015055699782390561029654209165143906509264590590605619 6594509560152045546438651016065008732757084709807547980463658734972364071159 8604960265646909061543798269694398769369239456362345234659342659234695982369 3789597436952966594369239569436437596234659674623154238908093290715626956742 6756724664026667576547983625363942564965394286554346532659834659346984365038 7689276908598234756894375938458364598734269834058963985639487639846523985984 6598529846598234598629064965397520065698347502605020002053011108993098120101 0798120791701270720702161729640205160673067276257645798564598169564986536487 5186485896586456658917389616656105061014654930651966916846975369529866689569 8012695278902467859705217894217630974560917060913406569846056934609698546469 8563469859626196091569412694697945794161234896194694943798349656946946375798 3296651847964396951694316943194365469457946743176531947565469546946395494164 6946396545160914596195417915467161953901536741369546945941360143604569054965 0139456957653761396695013609569013319015206196536467943173517546614096953643 675463546647456649789567439975798), Crack: (1, Ultra rare: top price: 9,000,000,000,001 GP)  
  
Equipment: Thong (For vacationing at Theta: I'm Dead Sexy) (Yes, that is the field Silver Knight was at) Video Camera: Mega Rare!!!!!! Records moments that you play in "The World" on to your computer for you to watch over and over!!!! (Great for making "Videos" of people)  
  
Elk: Cool! The camera I mean.  
  
~~~Else where, at Carmina Gadalica ~~~  
  
~~~ I an alleyway~~~  
  
Kite: (To Natsumie) Do you have the money?  
  
Natsumie: I want to see it first.  
  
Kite: (Drops his pants)  
  
Natsumie: I knew you were gay!  
  
Kite: Way do you say that?  
  
Natsumie: You have pictures of Michael Jackson on your boxers!  
  
Kite: These aren't even mine! They're Piroses!  
  
Natsumie: Why are you wearing Piroses underwear?  
  
Kite: . . .  
  
Moonstone: (Appears out of nowhere) . . . Kite, why do you impersonate me?  
  
Kite: I'm not impersonating you.  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Kite: . . .  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Kite: . . .  
  
Natsumie: o_O  
  
Moonstone: (Looks at Natsumie) . . . ?  
  
Kite: ? ? ?  
  
Natsumie: O_o  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Kite: This is awkward.  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: Will you stop?  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: Don't talk back to me!  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: I am not a slut!  
  
Kite: Try explaining that to me, because when we first meet, you said-  
  
Natsumie: Shut it! Besides, he started it.  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: Did to!  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: Did to!  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: Did to!  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: Did to!  
  
Kite: I'm leaving. (Warps out)  
  
~~~ Back with Elk~~~  
  
Elk: (Holding up the video camera, so that he is recording his face) I'm here at the special hot springs area at Theta: Lots of Naked Girls. I have found the place where all the female characters from .hack hang out. Let's have a look. (Camera zooms into the area where Gardenia and Rachel are bathing)  
  
Gardenia: This is relaxing.  
  
Rachel: Yeah. Oh hay! It's Mistral!  
  
Mistral: HEY! (Takes off her towel)  
  
Elk: (In the bushes) This is good but it would be better if they would all stand-  
  
Rachel and Gardenia both stand up, no towels)  
  
Elk: There is a meaning to my life.  
  
Mistral: I brought alcohol! Let's get drunk!  
  
Elk: I love my life!  
  
~~~Back at the alleyway~~~  
  
Piros: Oh Lios!  
  
Lios: Oh Pir-  
  
~~~Wrong one~~~  
  
Natsumie: You're an idiot.  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: No! You are!  
  
Moonstone: . . .  
  
Natsumie: That's it! You're dead!  
  
Moonstone: ! ! !  
  
Next time:  
  
Mistral: Ohhhh!  
  
Elk: (Zooms the camera in really close) This is better than the time I drugged Mia!  
  
Plus a guessed appearance from Yuki and Mai (Is it wrong that I find Mai's eyebrows very attractive?) 


	3. Chapter three

M.R.D.: Alright, I'm putting chapter three up. I need to thank Mireille Bouquet for telling me that I have been spelling Natsume wrong (I'll spell it right from now on). I hope no one reading this likes any of the following, because now, I think I should tell you who I'm going to bash: Moonstone, Piros (Everyone saw that coming), Lios, Silver Knight (I will, somehow), and lets make fun of Subaru and Bear also.  
  
Note: If any one is interested, take a look at my bio for a special offer.  
  
Disclaimer: Get to the stupid fic. already!  
  
Chapter three  
  
(Most of the fic will take place at Carmina Gadalica)  
  
~~~In Carmina Gadalica~~~  
  
Balmung, Bear, and Silver Knight (I can never remember his other name) were wearing their pimp outfits, strolling down the alleyways, while "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees was playing in the background.  
  
Silver Kight: I see someone who looks good! (Points at Piros)  
  
Balmung: Umm. . . Silver Knight, we only do women.  
  
Bear: We do, I thought it was little ki-  
  
Balmung and Silver Knight: o_O  
  
Bear: I mean women.  
  
Balmung: Yeah, rrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht.  
  
Piros: That's my line!  
  
Balmung: It's only your line because your voice actor says it in the "Fairly OddParents!"  
  
Piros: We're not supposed to talk about our voice actors  
  
(I do believe that the guy who plays Piros plays Cosmo, which is a shame because Cosmo is cool, and Piros deserves to die)  
  
~~~At Kites hideout~~~  
  
Kite, Natsume, and Blackrose were fighting Cubia.  
  
Kite: Everyone, use Magic!  
  
Blackrose: I don't have that skill!  
  
Kite: You're useless! You never have Magic! What if your all by yourself when you come across a physical tolerance monster and have to use Magic?  
  
Blackrose: . . .  
  
Moonstone: (Comes out of nowhere) Did. . . someone. . . call. . .?  
  
Natsume: Yeah, I called. Hey Cubia! Can you kill him?  
  
Cubia: (Picks up Moonstone and throws him into a castle wall, completely destroying it)  
  
Kite: NO! My pictures of Orca in the shower are in there!  
  
Everyone: o_O  
  
Kite: I mean, my Virus Cores.  
  
~~~At Theta: Lots of Naked Girls~~~  
  
Mistral: Ohhhh!  
  
Elk: (Zooms the camera in really close) This is better than the time I drugged Mia!  
  
Gardenia: I heard something.  
  
Elk: (Shuts up)  
  
Rachel: It came from over there. (points at Elks location)  
  
Elk: Time for me to leave(Warps out)  
  
(Oh, I got a question about Elk's age. In the DVD that comes with .hack//MUTATION, in the gallery it has Elk's bio. He's in the seventh grade.)  
  
~~~Back with the trio~~~  
  
Balmung, Bear, and Silver Knight were wearing their pimp outfits, strolling down the alleyways, while "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees was playing in the background.  
  
Balmung: So, who first?  
  
Silver Knight: How about that guy? (Points to Crim)  
  
Balmung: I said women you loser!  
  
Bear: How about that person? (Pionts to Tsukasa)  
  
Balmung: Women! Not Males! Females!  
  
Bear: Tsukasa is a girl in the real world.  
  
Balmung: How old?  
  
Bear: Does the person have to be 18 or older?  
  
Balmung: Yes.  
  
Bear: . . .  
  
~~~And now, a special appearance by two people we found living under a bridge~~~  
  
Mai: Why are we here?  
  
Yuki: Maybe they will give us food.  
  
Mai: People who are reading this, please make a donation so we can eat food.  
  
Yuki: If you don't, Mai's eyebrows will attack you.  
  
Mai: You making fun of my eyebrows?  
  
Yuki: Yeah, I mean look at them, they're huge! You could land a plane on them!  
  
Mai: Well, I find my eyebrows are very sexy.  
  
Yuki: No one finds your eyebrows sexy.  
  
Mai: My boyfriend does.  
  
~~~I do~~~  
  
Yuki: You can't talk to us, you're the narrator!  
  
~~~I'm also the author~~~  
  
Yuki: Oh.  
  
Mai: Please send food.  
  
M.R.D.: Don't ask why I made Mai and Yuki live under a bridge. Make fun of Mai's eyebrows and I'll hunt you down!  
  
Next time:  
  
Cubia: G0+ @^y %*$? (Got any fives?)  
  
Kite: Go fish! 


	4. Chapter four

M.R.D.: Time for a new chapter and I should warn you, it is short. But before we begin, I have some announcements. First: I should let you know that I don't send E-mails. Don't ask why. Second: FFTaticsLuver, You are now officially Innis, the Second Phase of 8. Congratulations! (See my bio for details) So here is the status: FFTaticsLuver is Innis and I still haven't gotten a response from Mireille Bouquet. If your out there I need a response.  
  
Disclaimer(As done by Moonstone): . . .  
  
Crim: (To BT) -so she said it was ok for me to get down on my knees, but then she whipped me.  
  
BT: Man, I never knew Subaru was such a bi*ch.  
  
Subaru: (Over hears them) -_O  
  
~~~Back with Cubia~~~  
  
Cubia: G0+ @^y %*$? (Got any fives?)  
  
Kite: Go fish!  
  
Cubia: %uc~ y0u (**** ***)  
  
Kite: Don't use that unintelligible symbol talk with me!  
  
Blackrose: Settle down Cubia, it's just a game.  
  
Cubia: &u+- (But-)  
  
Helba: (Comes out of no where)  
  
Natsume: It the reason the game has a Mature Sexual Theme!  
  
Kite: No, that was you.  
  
Natsume: (Flips him off)  
  
Helba: I can't stand you talking like this. (Dose something) There. You can talk normal now. (Warps out)  
  
Blackrose: That was useless.  
  
Cubia: (Christopher Walken's voice) Yes it was.  
  
Blackrose: 0_0  
  
~~~At the place with the thing were Kite got the bracelet~~~  
  
Elk: (Watch what he recorded) So that's what that thing is for. I thought it was for (I'll let you finish this sentence your way)  
  
Mia: (Walks in) Hello, any one here?  
  
Elk: (Hides behind the statue)  
  
Mia: No? Good. (Gets out a s-  
  
~~~Back with Cubia~~~  
  
Blackrose: (In a psychiatrist outfit) So, tell me a bout your childhood.  
  
Cubia: I was born on the wrong side of the data stream. I was born with different viruses that stop my growing. (Starts crying) The other phases would pick on me because I could never become a phase because of the virus I had. They would call me "Baldy" "Skull head" and "Four eyes" all the time.  
  
Blackrose: Four eyes? But you don't wear glasses.  
  
Cubia: (Looks at her)  
  
Blackrose: Oh, it's because of-  
  
Kite: Out of nowhere, I have gotten an idea!  
  
Blackrose: What?  
  
Kite: I am a mutant! I need to join the X-men!  
  
Natsume: Kite, the X-men are not real. They are comic book characters.  
  
Kite: But I saw Wolverine that time I was stoned out of my mind!  
  
Natsume: (Injects Kite with a tranquilizer) Sleep little idiot, sleep.  
  
Blackrose: How can he sleep? He's just a video game charater.  
  
Natsume: . . .  
  
Moonstone: . . (BANG!) (On the ground, bleeding in the face)  
  
Natsume: (Holding up her fist)  
  
~~~And now a word from some homeless people~~~  
  
Mai: We're not homeless!  
  
Yuki: Yeah! I mean we could easily leave in Mai's eyebrows.  
  
Mai:. . .  
  
Real world Moonstone: Hello. . . ladies.  
  
Yuki: (Rips one of Mai's eyebrows off and uses it like a boomerang, sending the real world Moonstone into orbit)  
  
Mai's eyebrow: (Returns to Mai's head)  
  
Mai: Never do that again!  
  
Yuki: Do what?  
  
Mai: Use my eyebrows as a weapon!  
  
Yuki: Oh, you're no fun.  
  
Mai: Yes I am, especially when I do this. (Rips off Yuki's glasses)  
  
Yuki: You bi*ch! (Rips off Mai's sleeve)  
  
~~~Ladies, don't fight, at least not until I get my video camera~~~  
  
Mai and Yuki: -_-  
  
~~~That's my sign to leave~~~  
  
M.R.D.: Why do I do this?  
  
Next time:  
  
Mimiru: (Looking at Blackrose)  
  
Blackrose: (Looking at Mimru)  
  
Mimiru and Blackrose: (As they walk away from one another) Man she looks like a slut. 


	5. Chapter five

M.R.D.: Welcome back! It's time for chapter five. Before I begin, these are the current Phases: Innis: FFTaticsLuver, Findhell: The Rouge Prince, Macha: Mireille Bouquet, I still need word from Zazie the Beast, who chose a Phase that was already taken. Enough of this, let me begin.  
  
Disclaimer: Did I even put this in the first few chapters? I wish I owned .hack so I wouldn't have to do this!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter five.  
  
~~~Where Elk is~~~  
  
Remember, Mia had just walked in; I never told you what she got out.  
  
Mia: (Spinning on her- well, I'm not telling you yet) This is fun!  
  
Elk: (Recording what she is doing) Oh Mia, I never knew. Oh well, this is kind of a turn on.  
  
That's right Mia is a CAT! Who knew!  
  
Everyone reading: (Fall down, anime style)  
  
~~~That was short~~~  
  
~~~Dun Loriag~~~  
  
~~~Did I spell that right?~~~  
  
~~~You'll never guess what I found in my boxers, go on guess~~~  
  
~~~I'm-  
  
Gardenia: (Really mad) Would you shut up!  
  
Sanjuro: (gasp) Are you fighting with the narrator?  
  
Gardenia: He started it.  
  
~~~Did not~~~  
  
Gardenia: Did to you son of a-  
  
~~~I'll pretend not to hear you~~~  
  
Gardenia: (Fast forward) (Normal) That was strange. Sanjuro, Why did you call me here?  
  
Sanjuro: To tell you the truth about why Kite likes to invite you to places to fight.  
  
Gardenia: Alright then, why?  
  
Sanjuro: Because, he always sees your underwear with that dress thing you wear.  
  
~~~That is possible when you play the game, just go into first person view-  
  
Gardenia: I thought you left!  
  
~~~You can't get rid of me!~~~  
  
Gardenia: Oh yeah! Then let's go!  
  
Sanjuro: Oh look, it's Kite and Blackrose.  
  
Kite and Blackrose were just walking along the plank thingies, when they walk pass Mimiru.  
  
Mimiru: (Looking at Blackrose)  
  
Blackrose: (Looking at Mimru)  
  
Mimiru and Blackrose: (As they walk away from one another) Man she looks like a slut.  
  
They both stop, and look at each other in a way that would send the signal to watch out, there's going to be a catfight.  
  
Elk: (Warp's into town) (Sees what is going on) Excellent! (Pulls out his camera and presses record)  
  
Soon, Kite, Elk, Sanjuro, and Gardenia were standing around the two players that looked aliked.  
  
Blackrose: I do not look like a slut! You do !  
  
Mimiru: I do not! I would never be caught dead looking like that!  
  
Blackrose: You're dead!  
  
Blackrose jumped at Mimiru, but Mimiru got out of the way, causeing Blackrose to fall flat on her face. Mimiru then jumped on top of Blackrose and started pulling her hair.  
  
Aura: (Comes out of nowhere) (Sees what is happening, and joins the group around the two girls) What is going on?  
  
Kite: Catfight.  
  
Elk: (Video tapping) Come on! Rip off one another's clothing!  
  
After hearing this, Mimiru ripped off Blackrose's breastplate strap, causeing Blackrose to be topless, and the guy's nose's to start bleeding.  
  
Gardenia: What a bunch of morons, fighting in the middle of Dun Leriag.  
  
Mimiru and Blackrose then got mad at Gardenia, and pulled her into the fight. The fight went on and on, and soon, well, none of the girl's were, umm, dressed for the occasion.  
  
All the boys: (Die out from blood loss, but quickly log back in)  
  
Elk: (Still filming, did I forget to mention that the camera automatically saves what it records? So that means that Elk didn't lose a thing he recorded)  
  
~~~Off at some field known as Delta: Look Ma' No hands~~~  
  
Skeith: (Not me, I am M.R.D.) (Somehow they can all speak English, and sound like celebrities) (Robin Williams voice) Now, please present yourselves.  
  
Innis: (Pauly Shore, now that is just wrong) Here.  
  
Magus: (Andy Dick) Hey.  
  
Findhell: (Ian McKellan, now he is cool) Present.  
  
Gorre, head one: (Al Gore, get it?) Here.  
  
Gorre, head two: (Al Gore also) Here.  
  
Macha: (Not present, you know why, and you know why she is the only one that doesn't sound like a celebrity)  
  
Tarvos: (Sean Connery) Hello.  
  
Corbinik: (Nathan Lane) Hello there.  
  
Cubia: (Remember, he is Christopher Walken) Why am I here? I'm not even a phase.  
  
Skeith: You are here because, Yeah, why are you here? Get out!  
  
(Poor Cubia, I think he is pretty cool, kind of)  
  
Skeith: Now we are here to talk about Kite.  
  
All the Phases: Boo!  
  
Skeith: Most importantly, we are here to answer that question, what would happen if I had Data Drained him instead of that Orca guy?  
  
All the Phases: Hmm. . .  
  
Cubia: (Comes back) I just wanna say is, how can you three be here? (Points at Skeith, Innis, and Magus) You three are dead.  
  
Skeith: No we are not.  
  
Cubia: Yes you are, I have the clips right here. (Shows the clips of their deaths)  
  
Skeith, Innis, and Magus: (gasp) (They all turn a dark gray, except for Skeith, and turn to dust)  
  
Cubia: Told ya'.  
  
M.R.D.: I have no idea where I got the idea for the Phase thing.  
  
Next Time:  
  
The all .hack//LIMINALITY special! It really needs to get more time on this site. 


End file.
